Sage & Frugal Tips

Emotion coaching lifts up a child’s emotional quotient


'Frustrated and exhausted' were the words to describe how I felt every time when my daughter threw a tantrum; perhpas that was the very same expression she had in her mind. Just that I would never know that as she did not talk and did not know how to talk about it.  

With the course I 
attended lately, Tuning In To Kids, I was inspired by it. When trying out what I learnt, my 3-year-old’s behaviour has improved! Yay! Emotion coaching works! My heart melted as I saw my daughter’s eyes sparked in response to a little change I made after taking this parenting programme.  Here are a few things I learnt from the emotion coaching programme.
Respond timely 
Time is always an issue. It happens in managing kid’s behaviour, too. When your child is about to throw a tantrum and his or her feelings are still at a lower intensity, attend to the situation straight away. The sooner you do so, the less likely your child’s behaviour will escalate.  

Accepting not dismissing 
Being warm and concerned does not always mean that the child’s emotion is addressed. This was something I was not aware of before I attended Tuning In To Kids.  Even asking my daughter not to worry can be dismissing her as she is not encouraged to talk about HOW she feels. The idea of accepting the fact that “you can be sad” had been a bit alien to me as I was taught to be joyful and jubilant all the time.  I tended to distract my daughter from tantrums; now I learn to accept and explore my daughter’s emotions rather than dismissing them.
Get to know more about our kids – by listening 
When we become more aware of our kids’ emotion, we would get the cues as he or she is about to explode.  Apart from observing those triggers, encouraging the kids to talk about it is crucial.  ‘Why did you do that?’ might not be as important a question when it comes to emotion coaching than ‘How are you feeling?’ 
Encourage kids to express themselves and to reflect their emotion. Locating the emotion in the body is a good way to express oneself. This can even be done with kids at an early age by means of pointing to a cuddly Teddy, for example. This one of the tips that Sarah Cocksedge, the Tuning In To Kids facilitator, suggests.  Once feelings are heard, anger lessens. The beauty of this emotion ‘talking’ and ‘listening’ promotes intimacy between you and the kids; and kids are getting more responsive to your request.  This strong emotional bond between you and your kids can go a long way; it becomes the dividend you have when your kids getting on to teens.  

Choice within limits 
There are always something which are non-negotiable in the family like name calling and violence.  A clear cut boundary is what a family needs.  As long as things are happening within the boundary, probably mums have to let go. When kids are empowered by giving choices, they are less likely to throw tantrums. At the end, there are a lot of things that a person has to experience in different life stages, making choices and learning about consequences are some of the most important ones. As you are coaching your kids to solve problems, they will become more competent and responsible individuals later on in life.   

Love is the main factor when it comes to parenting though we constantly need to be inspired by new skills and tips.  

Know more about emotion coaching? Here you go 
[mum's VIEW] Tuning In To Kids: Coaching kids to become more emotionally competent 



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